Let’s be honest, the world has changed a lot and so has the dating process! It has gotten a bit more complicated, I mean legit confusing! People out here trying to figure out things like where do I meet new people? When I see someone I like, how do I step up? How long should we be dating before becoming exclusive? How do I know when I have found the one? and the list goes on and on. To be honest, I wasn’t only asking these questions I was also making all these mistakes! Even when I met my husband gosh I could have messed that situation up, but thankfully Jesus fixed it pheww loll

When speaking with a lot of my clients and some of my friends I see certain things come up over and over. I’ll be highlighting the top 10 and if you can relate to some of these then it might be time to switch your game up, so here we go.

Single and ready to mingle, NOT!

A lot of times we believe we are ready to date but in reality, we’re not. We approach dating only thinking about what this person has to offer. Love is centered around giving and if you’re in that “What’s this person going to do for me” space then I hate to break it to you but you might not be ready to mingle. Take time to do an honest self-check and work on the things you need to work on before you start putting yourself out there!

Being clueless:

Sometimes people start dating and then try to figure out what they want and that’s not necessarily a good idea. Unfortunately, this has caused a lot of people to friendzone their ideal partners simply because we just can’t see when the person is standing in front of us. It’s best to know what you want before you start dating and if you can’t figure it out then start by knowing what you do not want.

Focusing on the wrong things:

So now we start trying to figure out what we want but our list might be out of order. Everyone should have standards the problem becomes when our standards are unrealistic, impossible or sometimes just ridiculous! Trick with building your list is to build with the values and character traits you want your ideal partner to have.

Dating to impress:

We might have figured out our list but we may be going on dates trying to impress the person on the other side of the table instead of just trying to get to know who they are! Some people intentionally decide to that they will only disclose certain things after they are married, BAD IDEA! When we date to impress we have a higher tendency to be dishonest. Date to discover NOT to impress, let the person be impressed by the real you!

Asking the wrong questions:

We sometimes don’t know what questions we should be asking. I always say you have to be able to hear what’s not being said and see what’s not being shown. The trick to this is once we know what we want then it becomes easier to know what questions to ask and how to dissect the answers we are getting.

Being too serious:

Although dating can be exhausting, it could also be a fun process but some of us drain the fun! Trying to know if this is “the one: on the first date just puts so much pressure on us and sucks out all the fun. Don’t go on dates looking and sounding like you are in interview, just don’t!.

Potential over Pattern:

When it comes to being exclusive, you tend to value potential way more than pattern. Potential means “capable of being or becoming” Truth is everyone has the potential to be great but what makes great people great is the choices they make! Pattern means “a combination of qualities, acts, tendencies, etc., forming a consistent or characteristic arrangement” Focus on the choices they consistently make, Focus on the pattern.

Trying to change someone:

Anyone can change but change has a higher chance of being successful when it is self-motivated. We can inspire change in people but the actual decision to change has be the person’s choice.

Keeping your business to yourself:

This doesn’t mean put your business out there in the streets. This simply means talk to a few people you trust along the way or a relationship coach who can help you be as objective as possible. Confiding in people of the opposite sex could sometimes help give clarity. We all could use a decoder once in a while.

Ignoring the signs:

I love the quote that says “When people show you who they are, believe them!” We see all the signs that this person is NOT a good fit for us but some reason we choose to ignore that fact while believing and hoping that things will change. Once you have figured out that this is NOT a good fit, be bold and strong enough to walk away! Save yourself the heartache and headache, Trust me on this one!


Temi Olly

Certified Relationship Coach

For daily inspirational posts, Stay Connected: @talkwithtemi