I’m sure we’ve seen the memes on social media or heard a few people make a joke or two about when a girl asks the famous “What are we” question! Thinking about it too makes me cringe because even I have uttered the same question but is there really a problem with asking? I mean if you’ve met someone and things seem to be going well and you like this person, they aren’t giving you a clear understanding on where “this thing” is going, what do they expect you to do?

Well to be honest I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with asking someone you like “What are we” the problem I think is in the way we ask. I made a lot these mistakes too! Well here are the things you should NOT do if you ever need to have this conversation.

Don’t be weird:

Don’t feel like the conversation has to be so serious, you can keep it light. I know you might be a bit anxious, nervous or you might even be calm which can all be good but don’t get weird. Don’t start out by saying “We need to talk”

Don’t be pressed:

Don’t be that person that’s asking from a position of desperation. There’s nothing that turns most people off than someone that so desperately wants this to be a thing! Instead be confident, be direct.

Don’t text:

I’ll definitely say if you can have this conversation face to face then go for it but if not next best thing would be a phone call but whatever you do, don’t text! Text messages can be vague and with this type of conversation you need a clear response.

Asking too early:

Bringing up this conversation too early can throw things off! You have to watch for the signs on when it seems right have this conversation. Observe the things he’s doing and not doing to see if he’s really interested in you.

Asking too late:

Timing is EVERYTHING! When I think back to some of the memes I saw, most chicks seem to bring up this question either after having sex or when their emotions have gotten way too deep, please Don’t do that!!! Don’t set yourself up! It’s much easier to not be desperate when asking this question if you’ve not thrown all your cards in the table! Guard your heart don’t let yourself fall for someone when you aren’t sure if he’s going to catch you!

His response:

You might need to give him some time to think but regardless don’t get discouraged with yourself if he tells you what you did not want to hear

Make a decision:

The last point, if his answers are still vague or you’re dealing with a guy who doesn’t know how to be honest with you, don’t keep waiting for him to answer the question. It’s okay to answer the “what are we” question for yourself and keep it moving. If you don’t get the response you’re looking for, be strong enough to walk away. Don’t be that girl waiting around forever for a guy to decide he wants to be with you.


Temi Olly

Certified Relationship Coach

For daily inspirational posts, Stay Connected: @talkwithtemi